I saw a letter in an advice column

Context
Annie's Mailbox is the successor column to Ann Landers. In today's column a woman wrote in asking advice about her relationship with a man she loves very much, but who is not interested in marriage and more children (she already has two) like she is.

Commentary
I think the Annie's Mailbox people gave this questioner very sound advice, saying that if marriage and children were what she considered essential in a long-term relationship, she should seek a partner who shares her values. Seems like a no-brainer, right?

"But," I can hear the romantics cry, "what about love?" Well, in our society we slap the label "love" on a variety of different feelings. Like when we say "love at first sight," what we really mean is attraction at first sight, which is great, but cannot carry a relationship forever on its own. That butterflies-in-the-stomach, weak-in-the-knees kind of feeling is inextricably bound to novelty and curiosity, both of which cannot help but fade with familiarity. And generally speaking, once the immediate attraction has gone away, you're not going to want to spend a lifetime with someone who doesn't share your view of what's important.

For me, even that sharing doesn't count as love. Love doesn't come until you know a person well enough to see that you generally agree with them about the important things in life and you're generally able to deal respectfully with the things you don't agree about. I say "generally," because yes, people who love each other do fight. In fact, I don't think you should make a commitment to a person until you see how they fight. If you keep a clear head, in thirty minutes you'll learn more about a person's real values than you would in a month of lovey-dovey talk.

I felt sorry for the woman who wrote in because I was in a similar situation to hers when I was in college. I stayed with a guy who really didn't share my values for way too long because I "loved" him, which in my case meant mostly that I wanted to take care of him. I think part of the problem was that we weren't very good at talking about our individual values, either because we weren't clear enough about them yet or because we didn't have enough confidence to stand up for them. Whatever the reason, we ended up being pretty darn contemptuous of each other by the time we split up. Which doesn't really fit any definition of love.

What did you see today?